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REVIEW: A Good Day to Die Hard (2013) - ManlyMovie

REVIEW: A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

Bruce Willis should be ashamed of himself for appearing in this soft-assed shit, half of it filmed in a Bulgarian quarry.  For a while back in the day, after a snazzy R-Rated trailer, I had a glimmer of hope that it might, at least, upstage DHINO.  15 minutes into it though and reality came crashing down.  I was right in my initial surmise that this was just a a money-hat deal for greedy men, including Bruce Willis.  And I was right to worry about the so-called ‘R’ rating.  This is a rushed, softcore hackjob using the McClane and Die Hard registrations to earn a buck.  If you want to see what a real modern Die Hard looks like, go and watch The Raid.  That’s a movie I adored, just to prove that I don’t shit on everything I look at.  If you want the coroners report on Die Hard proper, read on.

The original Die Hard, even the original trilogy, featured a wise ass in an abnormal situation.  Here, Willis isn’t a wise ass.  Instead of being the classic wise ass, he’s pulling the ‘wise old man’ deal again.  You know, the one he’s had ever since the Sixth Sense.  The quiet, knowing stare. The introspective smirk – what is it with that smirk, Bruce?  Is there something you know that we don’t?  If not, just stop it.  And this time, his situation isn’t abnormal.  It’s farcical.  McClane in Moscow? Taking out bad guys?  Then in Chernobyl, stopping nuclear terrorism?  The fuck outta here!

There isn’t even a villain, a problem which the film apparently realises 2/3 in when it pulls a ‘swerve’ and creates a half baked one out of a guy who barely utters five sentences.  Long gone are the days of the Grubers where Irons and Rickman tore shit up by being ultimate (and funny) badasses.  I mean really?  To have no bad guy?  Shameful to all involved.  Did I mention this movie has the tired old ‘I hate my absent father’ cliche?

Now even though there’s a good chase scene in there, which is basically the only thing worth even looking at, it really does challenge you to sit through till the end.  And speaking of the end?  It looks like something from a YouTube tribute video, clearly tacked on to fill out an additional minute for the board of classification and slowed down at half speed to drag it out even further. That’s how badly put together this slurry is.

And now, a word on false advertising.  This movie was sold as an R-Rated one.  It most certainly isn’t.  There is no violence, swearing or sexual content.  Many scenes are reminiscent of The Matrix, where the biggest victims in the movie are concrete and glass.  Oh yeah, there are explosions and aggression, but always against some nearby piece real estate or masonry.  I feel conned.  I also heard that Willis says the iconic line in its entirety.  Not at the movie I seen, like the last Die Hard, the end was dubbed out by some convenient audible distortion.  “Yippee Kay-Yay Motherfuhuehhr*Cut*”.  

What bothers me the most, though, is how cheap this whole movie is.  It’s like a Seagal DTV with Bruce Willis and some nods to McTiernan’s lighting – one of the only cool things about it, 50% of it is also filmed in the Eastern European wilderness.  Everybody involved in this movie, except for maybe Courtney, showed up with their hands out.  The only reason McClane went to ‘Moscow’ is so the greedy bastard executives could squeeze more money out of us with cheap tax rates in Eastern Europe.  To hell with the plot.  To hell with everything.  And Bruce Willis agreed. Bruce Willis,  I blame you.  I blame you more than the bloodsucking cockroach studio, or that spineless director.

You could’ve said no.  But you didn’t.

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40 Comments

  1. Andymovieman

    June 18, 2015 at 10:41 pm

    Die hard 5 should be known as A shitty way to die hard. I didn’t like the movie one bit. It sucked ass. If they’re gonna make die hard 6, they have to make it true to the series. They got to get john Mctiernan and a Gruber. And Al Powell and holly. Has to be hard R rated.

    • Andymovieman

      January 11, 2016 at 8:44 pm

      Arnold Schwarzenegger needs to be a Gruber in the next die hard movie if John Mctiernan directs. Bruce Willis, grow your fucking hair out! I don’t care if you have a friar or if it’s grey, you’re the role model for every bald badass in the world. Stop looking like james carville and howie mandel. Grow your hair out! are Fuck the prequel and Len Weismann.

      • Barney Ross

        January 11, 2016 at 9:45 pm

        I’d like to see that..He was pretty good in 16 Blocks, his look was perfect for a DIE HARD movie, too bad the movie was PG13…

        • Mucho Macho

          January 12, 2016 at 12:33 am

          “16 Blocks” was one of the few good Willis movies this past decade

        • Andymovieman

          January 12, 2016 at 1:37 am

          Perfect stranger and lucky number slevin too. He had the slicked back balding hair.

      • Mucho Macho

        January 12, 2016 at 12:32 am

        That Brucie with his hair grown out…he is on Broadway for a few weeks doing the play “Misery”

  2. jim

    January 11, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    John Moore must be the most hated A-list director in the business.Even more than Micheal Bay.Absolutely no one has a good word to say about him.

    • Barney Ross

      January 11, 2016 at 7:51 pm

      You’re a clueless retard, everytime i see one of your post it’s bullshit, FAG…

      Bay is awesome when he makes movies like Bad Boys or The Rock, people who hate him are hating him because he made Transformers shitty movies. get your facts straight faggot.

      John Moore is a hack but Behind Enemy Lines was actually alright, only it was PG13 and watered down.

      • jim

        January 11, 2016 at 10:02 pm

        OK OK OK….Jesus..Calm down..You like John Moore… OK I get it…..you’re all over the gaff today Barney…Why don’t you masturbate over a picture of Sam Jackson? That might help you chill out a bit…Bloody hell..These taranteenies are getting hysterical.

        • Barney Ross

          January 12, 2016 at 7:59 pm

          I’m not even a tarantino fanboy, piece of shit faggot

          • jim

            January 12, 2016 at 8:29 pm

            Shat yourself again…didn’t you? Didn’t you Barney?..Yes,you did.

  3. Barney Ross

    January 11, 2016 at 7:36 pm

    Die hard 4 and 5 = fucking PG13 garbage for fags.

    even if DH5 is r rated, it’s NOT…its a fake R rating, as soft as DH4.

    Olympus has fallen shits on DH4 and 5, fact!

    The best die hard are the first 3, for me in particular the first and second one.

    DH1 = 10/10
    DH2 = 10/10
    DH3 = 10/10
    DH4 = 0/10
    DH5 = 0/10

  4. Barney Ross

    January 11, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    Die hard 3 is the real Die hard 4, Last Boy Scout IS Die hard 3.

    • Andymovieman

      January 11, 2016 at 8:47 pm

      Goddamn right. Last Boy Scout was warner bros version of Die hard and bruce Willis’s version of lethal weapon.

      • Barney Ross

        January 11, 2016 at 9:11 pm

        Thanks Andy, always great to read your comments, i agree with almost everything you say here.

        • jim

          January 11, 2016 at 10:13 pm

          What are you on about ya wee dribbly shite?

          • Barney Ross

            January 12, 2016 at 7:58 pm

            Cockroach fuck off

          • jim

            January 12, 2016 at 8:30 pm

            Wee shite.

        • Andymovieman

          January 12, 2016 at 2:02 pm

          You’re welcome.

      • Mucho Macho

        January 12, 2016 at 12:27 am

        “Last Boy Scout” is a masterpiece👍

  5. Barney Ross

    January 11, 2016 at 7:43 pm

    Modern Die Hard = Olympus has fallen and the upcoming London has fallen.

  6. Just Some Polack

    January 11, 2016 at 7:49 pm

    I remember watching it and at the beginning I kept saying to myself “It can’t be worse than DH4! It can’t be worse than DH4!” But then… Oh my God! This convoluted mess of a plot, these half-assed action scenes, this fucking car chase (probably the worst ever filmed), this butt-ugly cinematography, this fucking constant zooming, this phoning in from all involved, this CG extravaganza bullshit… I finally had to give up and accept the truth that this is one of the worst action movie ever made and Bruce Willis (as we used to know him) is actually dead.

    But I still hate DH4 much, much more. Without this Transformers-wannabe bullshit there would be no “A Good Way to Suck Hard”.

  7. Mucho Macho

    January 11, 2016 at 8:07 pm

    A Good Day to Shit Hard

  8. Mucho Macho

    January 11, 2016 at 8:16 pm

    The year was 1994.
    A watched this movie premiere on cable.
    It’s a Die Hard-esque B action movie
    Starrin Shannon Tweed , Andrew Dice Clay ,Rowdy Roddy Piper & Robert Davi.
    …90s action B movie fans..it’s a movie titled “No Contest”..
    I think i liked it more than “A Good Day to Shit Hard”…lol
    https://youtu.be/f5AsqZWFHVw

    • Barney Ross

      January 11, 2016 at 9:15 pm

      Alright im watching this!!

      • Mucho Macho

        January 11, 2016 at 11:12 pm

        Its 90’s Action cheap action B movie heaven

        • Barney Ross

          January 12, 2016 at 8:00 pm

          cant find it anywhere on the net hahahah

          • Mucho Macho

            January 12, 2016 at 8:12 pm

            Some of those movies i had on VHS back in the day. I lost a ton of them in a move which i’m still kinda bumbed about.
            HBO for a couple of years had a show called “Thursday Night Prime” & they used to air movies like these. The commercials for the movies were at times hysterical and I looked for them on the internet but I have been unsuccessful in doing so , they were funny as hell some of them.
            There’s tons of shit that i remember from my childhood that i have not been able to find
            Here’s an example
            https://youtu.be/tgenSHmHSmY

  9. Mucho Macho

    January 11, 2016 at 8:18 pm

    I learned from the Police Academy movies that when a franchise in it’s later sequels goes to Moscow… it’s never a good thing

    • Barney Ross

      January 11, 2016 at 9:15 pm

      Sequels were PG13 too..

      • Mucho Macho

        January 11, 2016 at 11:13 pm

        I actually liked them until part 5..i know i know..; i agree with you..but they are silly cheesy fun.

        • Barney Ross

          January 12, 2016 at 7:58 pm

          Yeah funny stuff

  10. Mucho Macho

    January 11, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    💣💣💣💣

  11. Mucho Macho

    January 11, 2016 at 8:39 pm

    How it feels watching Die Hard 5

  12. Barney Ross

    January 11, 2016 at 9:14 pm

    When i heard DH5 was gonna be R rated i was so fucking happy then i watched the film and this is was my reaction when i realised it was just a PG13 disguised as an R: http://static1.gamespot.com/uploads/scale_medium/85/855790/2901147-7105484274-8dZZT.gif

  13. Barney Ross

    January 11, 2016 at 9:19 pm

    Watch this instead guys check the trailer on my youtube channel: DIE HARD or UNDER SIEGE clone
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtMEaeJYMFg

  14. Serbius

    January 12, 2016 at 2:17 am

    a good day to crap hard.

    Sudden Death is a better die hard movie than this piece of trash

  15. ColonelBobi

    January 12, 2016 at 11:59 am

    I live in an alternate reality whrein Die Hard ended at #3. There is no DH4pointShite or this abomination above. Fuck greedy Willis and that damn smirk. Did’nt he price himself out of The Expendables sequel also?

    • Andymovieman

      January 12, 2016 at 2:05 pm

      Yeah he did and he missed out on that too even though expendables 3 was just as big a mess as die hard 5.

      • ColonelBobi

        January 12, 2016 at 5:46 pm

        Thought so. I am yet to see it. The lack of an R rating put me off.