[REVIEW] Get Hard (2015)

Runtime: 100 Mins
Rated: R
What To Expect: Dicks jokes, energy sapping ‘humour’ that doesn’t amuse

You should probably be able to tell how good a movie is when you have to point out that it is a rip off of a Rob Schneider movie.  Big Stan (2008) was the original ‘Get Hard’ and, to be honest, even though that wasn’t a very good movie either, it was better than this.  That movie had David Carridine school Schneider’s twerp loser Stan Minton on how to be a hard man, so as to avoid gangrape in the showers, to quote Sean Connery’s character from ‘The Rock’.  I actually recall Big Stan eliciting some laughs.  Fresh in from this movie though, the laughs are few and far between.  I’m sure of that.

When hedge fund manager moron Will Ferrell gets framed for fraud, he is sentenced to ten years in the joint.  Being a girlie man suit, he enlists the help of Kevin Hart, a car detailer who is possibly more stupid than Ferrell, to turn him into a manly man ready to fend off queer rapists in the can.  Fine premise, but pity the movie is almost entirely filled with really bad humour, with overwrought crap that never has a punchline.  Kind of like that movie Bad Neighbours, where comedy is repeatedly substituted with noise – shouting, yelling and dick jokes.  Worse, the pay off is not there.  You don’t see Ferrell do any real prison time.  I’d feel ripped off at that ending but had I already not decided by the 25 minute mark that the movie sucked.

Entire segments can be missed, they are so pointless and humourless, where you could actually get out of your seat and walk around the lobby, get some fresh air and return to the tedium.  It’s all a pity because Ferrell and Hart are talented actors and have good chemistry together.  But this is horrible writing and you can tell that they know.  Terrible characters, terrible ending.  Keen also on grossing out the audience.  I most certainly don’t want to hear about a sequel to this one, because I’m getting an odd feeling that somewhere, that’s what somebody wants.

There are some laughs in there.  One, maybe two – and I caught that each time it came from improv  between Ferrell and Hart.  I could also relax (in a way) with how overtly R-rated this movie is.  I never want to see it again though.