REVIEW: Jarhead 2: Field Of Fire (2014)

Runtime: 103 Mins
Rated: R
What To Expect: Cringeworthy shaking cam muck

In the very first frames of this movie, the camera is already shaking violently.  Shortly after, the bush-league rapping music kicks in.  In a nutshell, this is Jarhead 2: Field Of Fire.  It is the sequel to the 2005 movie, Jarhead.  When we say sequel, we mean obscene cashing in venture.  Yes, they use the name Jarhead to make a few bucks off a shitheap war movie, but there’s an additional baiting method – the dual DVD/Blu Ray set.  They’re now boxing this movie with the original, with the same font and whatnot, because ‘box sets’ sell for more money than single DVDs.  There’s two DVDs in the box, see, therefore since there’s a movie with Jake Gyllenhaal inside as well, you gotta pay us more money.  People no longer buy the original movie much, nor would they have bought this by itself.  But together, they are strong! (Naw).

Anyway, this ‘sequel’, which bears no relation in any way whatsoever to the original, is set in Afghanistan.  It’s 2014, so the Taliban have the run of the place.  Corporal Chris Merrimette (Josh Kelly) is given a promotion by Major James Gavins (Stephen Lang), with a caveat of leading a Marine platoon from one base to another, a routine patrol.  I don’t know whether I should have rolled my eyes, palmed my face or turned the whole thing off as soon as the token female Marine appeared.  You know, to remind us that liberal progressivism is the highest form of enlightenment and that females can kick ass just like any man.  Coincidentally the female in question is a supermodel without makeup, has large tits and is annoying as fuck.  The actress in question, either by herself or under direction of Don Michael Paul, is trying way, way too hard to be a boisterous Jarhead.  After these characters are established, an ambush occurs.  You’ll have turned it off before it happens.

And now, a word on false advertising.

You see Stephen Lang is in the trailer.  The old DTV bait-and-switch move is in effect here.  While Stephen Lang is in the trailer, he’s in the movie for about 3-4 minutes.  His scenes were all obviously shot in one day and even in one location, then spread throughout the movie at sparse 30 second intervals.  Stephen Lang is a manly man and the only good thing about this movie.  But again, incase you were close to being lured into watching it because of him, don’t.  Actually, Cole Hauser is here and he’s his usual cool self, as a stray SEAL helping out the Jarheads.  Temporarily, he alleviates the misery.

The movie is too long, even at 103 minutes.  It doesn’t know its limitations and forces ‘drama’ upon us about the plight of Afghans being left to the Taliban, acted out by horrible actors and clichéd to the hilt.  After the film is terminally bogged down with that, director Don Michael Paul films frustrating action sequences where the camera shakes here, there, to… fro.  In fact, even in scenes where men are standing around talking, the guy is shaking the camera.  I mean what the fuck, man?

Warning: Avoid Jarhead 2: Field Of Fire.