REVIEW: Gutshot Straight (2014)

Runtime: 89 Mins
Rated: R
What To Expect: Long cameo from Stephen Lang, short cameo from Steven Seagal, poor movie

This time, for this ‘Steven Seagal movie’, I was prepared.  I was going to actually count the seconds that he appeared in the movie.  After all, it’s being promoted as a Steven Seagal movie with Steven Seagal on the poster and ‘extended clips’ being released with Steven Seagal in them.  Seagal appears at the start of the movie for around 50 seconds.  Then, for the next 70 minutes, he does not appear again.  In the last 10 minutes or so, Seagal is featured for around 4 minutes, with some of that footage re-using footage from the start of the movie.  So the first thing to point out about this movie is that if you’re a Steven Seagal fan, you’re being conned.  And Steven Seagal is complicit.

Even aside from that, this is a weird movie.  It’s like one of those TV movies about shady romance that appears in the graveyard shift of struggling TV networks.  In it, a man gets in over his head when he bets beyond his means as a gambler.  Owing money to mobster Steven Seagal, which he can’t afford, he really is in a jam.  So when a mysterious stranger approaches in an extended cameo (Stephen Lang) and offers to pay him $10,000 to fuck his impossibly sexy wife who cannot act, the ‘intrigue’ develops from there.  Well, at least the movie appears to have been shot on location in Las Vegas.

To reveal exactly why this is not a good movie would be to, uh… spoil it, since its a story-driven thriller.  Let’s just say that the decisions people make are unfathomable, which can only be attributed to bad writing.  And to make up for nonsensical developments (probably as a result of these decisions), people show up out of the blue without any explanation.  At the end, I also don’t understand why Person X tried to kill Person Y.  I didn’t care either.

I will say though that this is Steven Seagal’s best performance in years.  He’s doing his Bronx accent again and looks like he’s actually interested in playing the role.  Dare I say it, Steven Seagal plays a convincing mob boss.  He should’ve done this type of thing before, earlier, and in a fuller role in a better movie.  Too late.  It’s interesting for a few seconds here, but don’t waste your time.  Another dud on the Seagal resume and Stephen Lang’s solid performance doesn’t help, if you were wondering.  Too brief too.