REVIEW: Everly (2015)

Runtime: 92 Mins
Rated: R
What To Expect: A ‘Raid’ ripoff with tits

I had no problem checking out Salma Hayek in an action movie like this.  Salma “I am not a feminist” Hayek would’ve been better than stone-faced Jessica “I am a feminist” Chastain, someone who appears to pop in movies a lot these days and poison them with eye-rollingly clichéd alpha women.  Everly, with Salma Hayek, almost reminds me of times gone by, decades ago, when action women did their thing just for a change, as opposed to some noxious ‘me too’ agenda.  That said, Everly is not a particularly good film.  Only two things are entertaining… the violence and Hayek’s unfathomable body, where amazingly her ass competes with her tits.

Hayek is Everly, an undercover assassin posing as a prostitute (unfortunately the movie begins after her client work), trapped in a building with Japanese mobsters who want her dead.  She has to escape by killing ’em violently, all while suffering a gunshot wound.  The plot is ridiculous and best ignored, I mean what kind of sane person brings her own mother and daughter into the building?  It’s also more than a little inspired by The Raid, minus fight scenes, even down to the sniper hiding in the building across the way.

What kept my interest here, only for the purpose of reviewing it by the way… firstly the violence and action is pretty good, very messy bloodwork, the type that can’t really be re-created on a computer.  Secondly, Salma Hayek’s body, the hook of this movie.  The movie is carried by her physique, she’s 47 (or something) now and more or less right where she was at that infamous stripping scene in From Dusk ‘Till Dawn.  Just when you think you’re about to quit ‘Everly’, Hayek changes into something else and gives the movie second and third wind.  It’s gratuitous, and we like gratuity.  But no nudity, a big downside.

On the other hand the black comedic streak in the movie doesn’t really amuse.  And the endless waves of pissants being slain gets kinda old kinda fast.  I wouldn’t recommend this movie, but I would recommend that they make a sequel, with Everly staying put in her undercover role as prostitute.  We need to see her in the field, and a recreation of her infamous ‘Dawn’ scene is also recommended.