REVIEW: ARMY OF THE DEAD (2021)

Run Time: 150 Mins
Rated: R
What To Expect: Bautista leading a troop of scowling feminists against the undead in this case of cinematic dysentery

I have come to the conclusion that Zack Snyder is a hack.  I liked Dawn of the Dead and 300, but everything else is torture for me to watch.  For instance, while people gushed over the ‘Snyder Cut’ of an already terrible movie, I found the longer version even worse.  A possible ‘return to roots’ was welcomed when a new Of the Dead movie was announced, but we’re drawn over the woke coals for two and a half hours.  You’re about to be warned.

Unrelated to the previous movie, this one features smart zombies.  A side note to begin with; I think this concept change was built entirely around the chance to have a leading, ‘intelligent’ zombie which happened to be female.  But whatever.  A zombie breakout happens in Vegas, the city is contained.  Dave Bautista leads a gang of specialists into the zone to steal 200 million, at the behest of a very powerful criminal.

The film has a cast of terminally unlikeable, badly written characters, which pretty much kills it from the beginning.  Scowling feminists, ‘funny’ social influencers and crude/dumb/pervy misogynists.  150 minutes is too long to withstand looking at, listening to and digesting such achingly cringe ‘humor’. Bar Bautista, every one of them is crushingly and irretrievably annoying.  For instance, when one cast member was ‘Me Too’d’ and thrown off the cast, female ‘comedian’ Tig Norato was brought onboard; a real life ‘non-binary feminist’ (?).  This is a human being who is desperately, desperately unfunny.  See for yourself.

At one point, the unhappy, scowling feminists identify a male misogynist on the team and recall his misogynistic ways on the outside world.  They shoot him and serve him as an offering to the leader of the zombies, a feminist zombie, who in the meantime accepts the sacrifice and gives them temporary roam of her domain.

Just ghastly, unwatchable shit written by a total hack.  Patronizing does not cover any of it.

Visually, there’s also this weird focus carries in the movie, as if the people we’re seeing on screen have been superimposed onto fake backgrounds, some of which look like crude CG renderings.  It mostly happens on the outside, possibly because they were taking a rusty saw cutting through those corners.

Someone has just pissed on the legendary George Romero’s grave.  With his atmospheric, claustrophobic, subtle, scary, funny, contemplative masterpieces, I’m sure this could very well have drawn him to tears.