The Time Is Right For Crank 3

I hope we haven’t seen the last of Chev Chelios.  Crank was a badass manly movie and, can you believe it, came out nine years ago.  Some girlie men thought the movie too crude and brutal, but obviously they just couldn’t handle the manliness of proceedings.  I remember reading one review calling it a de-facto movie adaptation of the Grand Theft Auto video game series.  And when I heard The Transporter was involved and witnessed the trailer, I knew we had a winner.  It’s been six years since the second movie, we’re running low on adrenaline here, we need a third Crank movie.

“Synthetic ephedrine diluted with some saline”

I think we can get a third movie out of this.  We need something like it.  The second was “okay”, didn’t kick like the first.  Now we need to round things out with a trilogy.  What could it be about?  Who knows, how about something like ManlyMovie’s idea for a Speed 3? Something breakneck and an antidote to upcoming soft-assed safe bet tent pole actioners.  Either way we need some manly movie epinephrine and if a third movie was shelved because the second may or may not have gave certain bigwigs the confidence, well, six fucking years have passed and that’s a long time to be sitting in one spot.

 
“The shit ain’t free, nigga!”

The original movie brought in a surprise four times its budget, but the second movie barely broke even. So let’s say that is the case, that Crank 2 didn’t raise enough high voltage to bring Crank 3 online, and that the executives aren’t willing to pony up.  Well let us time our demand to coincide with the upcoming ‘Furious 7’, which will no doubt raise the stock of Jason Statham.  That thing is going to draw in more money than the gross output of New Zealand and if they don’t ready up for Crank 3 after that, they may never decide to move forward on it.

Fuck you Chelios!

If you’re interested, discussion for Crank 3 needs to begin now.  Otherwise Chev Chelios’ franchise will probably end up with a ‘Crank 3’ appearing on VOD a few years from now, with some F-league hack directing something rotten.  Picture the scene: ‘Crank 3: High Stakes’ or some other equally shitty name suddenly appears on the shelves after nobody even knowing of its existence.  Such a thing almost happened with The Running Man 2, touted to star Dennis Rodman.

A while back series creators Neveldine/Taylor said that there is ‘talk’ of a third movie.  Well, talk louder, damnit!  But wait.  We also need something that truly suits the theme here, may I suggest a role for Gary Busey?  Possibly as the leading villain.  Surely if there’s a match out there for Chev Chelios, it’s Gary Busey?