In the words of Popeye the Sailor, that’s all I can stands, I can’t stands no more! There are too many comic book movies and cowardly critics are contributing to this interminable affliction. Since the year 2000, there have been over sixty comic book movies made and released. That’s one comic book movie for every three fucking months. Diminution, you say? Surely it can’t go on! Think again. In 2014, there’ll be one comic book movie for every 1.5 months. There is no end in sight and to say that Hollywood is saturated would be an understatement. In fact, like a dog throwing up then eating its own vomit, many of these franchises have been rebooted almost immediately. In the space of one decade they’ve rebooted Spiderman once and the Incredible Hulk three times. We’ve had two Superman appearances. We’ve had three Batman appearances. We’ve had four Iron Man appearances and we’ve had five X-Men appearances. We’ve had nine DC Comics movies. We’ve had twenty three sequels. We’ve had twenty eight Marvel Comics movies.
We’ve had enough.
At the start, it wasn’t so bad. It was actually kinda cool. Blade and The X-Men: these were refreshing and ‘grounded’ changes. But then something happened – they wouldn’t stop coming. Little did we know at the time that the floodgates for twenty years of bloated CGI hegemony had actually been opened. Something else happened, too: Movies that were categorically mediocre were starting to get a free pass critically, some of them were even being heralded as classics. Take The Dark Knight (2008), this is not a very good movie. It was a poorly directed, exposition-riddled drag. And yet it was critically acclaimed and the highest grossing movie of 2008, which wouldn’t have been the case, by the way, had Heath Ledger not died and Christian Bale not recruited his mother and sister to partake in a publicity stunt. A movie where you couldn’t see shit winning best director? Did our eyeballs deceive us? With The Dark Knight, a line was crossed. Not only were comic book movies here to stay, you could now make a poor movie and get away with it. All you needed were the property rights to something bankable.
In the five years since The Dark Knight the situation has gone from bad to worse. The commercial juggerrnaut rolls on and noone dares stop it. If The Dark Knight was a mediocre runaway, Thor, Captain America and The Avengers set a new low as a trio of downright ghastly shit. Yet the ‘in thing’ for most of critics and consumers alike is to simply ignore this fact, that these movies are a barrage of vacuous CGI poop. Or be too dumb to see it. The first reviewers to speak honestly about The Avengers were promptly subjected to
a bout of sustained retard-rage and abuse. In one case, one critic won the merit of
actual death threats when he dared to speak honestly about The Dark Knight Rises, which was pretty much three hours of bloated, dull garbage. I mean, it’s not like the upset people had reason to be enraged – they not only hadn’t yet seen the movie but were also given clear reason to suspect he was right, since the previous movie was poor, to anyone with an IQ above pidgeon shit, at least. It’s a clear mixture of idiocy mixed with fanatical conformity.
So what can we learn from this? Welp… used to be that film critics would put movies and the studios on notice, if you made a crap feature, you’d pay the price. ‘Your movie sucks’, Roger Ebert even wrote a book on it. Now, it’s the other way around. The movies have put critics on notice. There’s a new Marvel movie comin’, so you’d better think twice about what you’re going to say about it. And that includes when you’re going to say it. In the cases outlined above, we’ve seen that it doesn’t pay to be first out the door with a damning review. And the first reviews are the most important, so far as publicity is concerned. And we know that if a grown man waits in line to see Iron Man, publicity is a big deal for him. But yes, you can be honest in your review a few weeks later, but by then it’s too late. The horse has fled the barn. So, to summarise? Critics are becoming less critical, the masses are becoming more stupid/conformist and executives are becoming more greedy. Get ready for another decade of comic book movies.
Elias Svane
September 5, 2013 at 11:50 am
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elias Svane
September 5, 2013 at 11:53 am
It is time to declare war against comic book movies,superheroes, and overrated CGI, boy-cut!
Bring back old school action!
Manly Movies
September 5, 2013 at 3:16 pm
You said it.
BBally81
September 15, 2013 at 3:23 pm
You do realize Green Lantern was panned by critics, right? And the last 2 Iron Man films weren’t free of criticism from critics.
Tomas Nichols
November 27, 2013 at 3:47 pm
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. Who the hell is going to stop making ludicrously successful products? Take a business class, maybe? And critics are way too pretentious to actually praise something that they don’t like, so don’t delude yourself into thinking they aren’t good movies. TDK is heavily considered a masterpiece, this is not just in the critical sector, this is also in the commercial/public sector. And for good reason. It’s a great movie. It’s very likely objectively better than movies you actually like.
And don’t forget. The success of these movies is what allows for the generic “action movie” ripoffs that you likely enjoy in the first place. So don’t bite the hand that feeds. You should be asking for even more superhero movies so that they can make even more sh!tty Expendables flops.
The Knight Rider
November 27, 2013 at 4:04 pm
The Expendables has drawn in $800,000,000 in profits so far. I think you need to attend English classes(learn the definition of the word flop) followed by math classes, before ranting about Business classes.
Anonymous
November 28, 2013 at 4:42 am
Don’t like them, then don’t watch them. Simple as that. People can watch and like whatever the hell they want. Movies like the Avengers are supposed to be fun movies, where you don’t think and just enjoy, comparable to the Expendables and The Fast and The Furious Franchise. They shouldn’t be winning Oscars, but in no way do they need to go.
You as You
November 28, 2013 at 12:36 pm
Fuck off…
The Knight Rider
November 28, 2013 at 1:09 pm
Calm down pal!
Anonymous
November 28, 2013 at 6:10 pm
Oh come on. Calm down. 90% of the time I don’t give shit about comics turned movies either, but guess what? I don’t watch things I’m not interested in. And let’s face it. You might hate the Avengers, but it got a few handful of viewers so you know… “Some” people kinda like it. Sorry chap’.
The Knight Rider
November 28, 2013 at 6:35 pm
You means kids, right? How old are you buddy?
Anonymous
December 8, 2013 at 7:09 pm
The real question is, how old are you acting like?
You are in the minority on this situation. The majority of movie goers and film critics like comic book movies. Instead of having an intelligent article that pin points issues that these movies have you simply act like a child and bitch cause theres to many of them?
I agree that fans of a certain franchise can get crazy. I didn’t like the Man Of Steel movie and anytime I mention it anywhere I get loads of hate.
But you see if you look at Rotten Tomatoes rating for Man Of Steel is pretty low compared to other comic book movies. Critics are not afraid of 12 year olds on the net threatening them.
All movies are subjective, everyone has an opinion about a movie. So for you to say critics only praise the movie due to fear is ridiculous.It also shows that you are only saying that because they do not agree with you. You are assuming. To simply put it just cause you think something is shit doesn’t mean someone else will think it is.
Anonymous
December 4, 2013 at 8:56 pm
I feel really bad for this guy. He made this article because he knows he is in the minority on the situation and can’t seem to find joy in what the vast majority of movie goers and film critics like. He can’t pinpoint or communicate the reasons why he doesn’t enjoy these things. And because he can’t articulate his feelings into thoughts, he went as far as to create a delusion of persecution. Not only that, he either doesn’t know the definition of “reboot” or he can’t count to even the smallest of single digits without messing up. The worst part is that he probably lacks the mental ability, creativity or self confidence to reply. We shouldn’t be cursing this guy out, we should be giving him a pat on the back and saying “Good try, sport!”
Anonymous
December 5, 2013 at 2:51 am
Wow whoever wrote this article sounds retarded as fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Kids love these movies, adults love these movies and even girls love these movies. Why the fuckkkk are you hating on top grossing enjoyable movies you fuckinggggg loser kunt??
Mαтιʌѕ иeɢяo ~
December 6, 2013 at 10:36 pm
There are more movies out there than just blockbuster ones, you know?
The Knight Rider
December 8, 2013 at 7:26 pm
Yes, hence this site.
Unknown
December 9, 2013 at 3:22 am
You mean, you’ve had enough. Don’t watch them.
Anonymous
December 27, 2013 at 4:24 am
A) Your claim about there being “too many comic book movies” is ludicrous. By that logic, shouldn’t you complain about too many horror movies, or too many action movies?
B) Surely you’re aware that if people stopped making comic book movies altogether, you’d miss out on plenty of stuff that has nothing to do with superheroes, including Road to Perdition, Bullet to the Head (starring your god Sylvester Stallone) and Dredd…
Anonymous
April 8, 2014 at 10:19 pm
Good review. Don’t completely agree on Dark Knight, but it’s hard to argue that the comic book movie trend is getting way out of hand. I went from wishing there were more of them (as a kid) to now regretting I ever thought that. Did anyone over the age of 7 honestly think that Tony Stark was going to die at the end of Avengers? Of course not, because they have to continue to bank him. So, goodbye dramatic tension, and so much for actually caring about characters.
The vast amounts of money and marketing and energy that go into all these films deprive us of all sorts of new and original possibilities. I loved District 9 and Looper but those seem like such rarities now. We need stars like Gordon-Levitt who walk in both worlds to champion more low-budget action thrillers. In this climate it’s difficult to imagine a future in which films like the original Terminator, Robocop, Blade Runner or Alien could even get made.