Five Ways To Get Ahead In Movie Journalism
4) Cater To Fanboys & Hype Monkeys
Following on from the previous hot tip, picking movies that have saturated the industry to the point of pure poison, next, you need to know your damn place. Every movie, franchise and famous actor will have a legion of people who stalk, obsess and ‘white knight’ their chosen subject and/or person.
It’s good to get on the best side of these people. Be it Batman or Arnold Schwarzenegger, never highlight any fault or problem. Ever. Then, you can get compulsive neurotics to do your bidding for you – spam your links to and fro. However, whatever you do, avoid the truth if it is negative! If a movie is going to suck and deliberate cash whoring is in the offing, say nothing. If you do, and the property/studio and/or actor does it again, keep you mouth shut. Lest you endure the wrath of the fanboy. If the movies are consistently and deliberately shit. and you consistently call it honestly, expect threats of hacking and physical assault.
And now, a word on hype monkeys. What is a hype monkey?
A hype monkey is a person of suspect intelligence who thinks that every movie released, ever, ranges from good to great. Or at least the run up to its release. The hype monkey enjoys waiting on its chosen movie and/or genre almost as much as watching the final movie. Do not disrupt this process! Again, polish that turd. If the trailer looks horrible, buckle, and say it looks great. Appease these link spammers, because hype monkeys love spamming links. When you are given an early review copy of a movie and it sucks, do not say that it sucks!
Hype monkeys will not tolerate their anticipation being thwarted with the inconvenience of advanced truth being thrown at them. They will attack and shoot you, the messenger. Instead, kiss their ass and lie in the hopes that they will increase your social media engagement.
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