Five Ways To Get Ahead In Movie Journalism
2) Submit Reviews To Rotten Tomatoes
Now that you’ve mastered the art of turd polishing, it’s time to take it to the next step. Submit your reviews to Rotten Tomatoes. Don’t even go there with negativity, there are metrics to rig and ain’t nobody got time for someone pointing out the obvious. Don’t worry if your site has no traffic, if you give the ‘correct’ type of review, you’ll get in ahead of other sites pulling one thousand-fold the amount of monthly visitors.
But what kind of movies to cover? Yeah, you guessed it. Anything with a man dressed in leotards, in front of a CGI background with a vehicle that will make the perfect kids Christmas Toy. Other turds they like to see polished are propaganda movies. Get with the programme and give the latest Clinton-ite movie with a leftist bent a glowing review. Hell, become a full blown social justice warrior. You’ll be a shoe-in.
Oh, and one other thing. Get your lies in early. Big blockbusters live or die on their first two weeks. Therefore if you give them massive undue praise early or, better yet, before release, your work will be a shoe-in. Straight to the top. Rotten Tomatoes is often the go-to place for movie goers on the fence with regards to that latest billion dollar property. Not that we’d accuse RT, owned by Warner Bros. of being complicit.
Not us!
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