Top Ten: Characters Who Would Survive A Zombie Outbreak
4) Sergeant Bob Barnes
Now things are getting serious. Now dig this, assholes, and dig it good. Barnes been shot seven times and he ain’t dead. Does that mean anything to you, huh? Barnes ain’t meant to die. The only thing that can kill Barnes is Barnes. Well, that or traitorous pissant Willem Dafoe!
What if Bob Barnes showed up in The Walking Dead?
All by his lonesome, Barnes would wipe out stiffs and damn sure wouldn’t be constantly on the run. On the run? Bob Barnes? What the fuck is this shit, Bob Barnes is the baddest motherfucker in the valley and fears no man, dead or alive. Now Barnes might only have been a Sergeant, but business would’ve changed there and then, if he was around. I’m talking wholesale extermination, starting with a base of operations. I’m sure of that. The Governor from The Walking Dead, whom everyone was afraid of? Barnes would’ve killed the motherfucker and moved into his house.
If not Barnes, how awesome would a show like that have been if Tom Berenger was cast as the leader of a group of survivors?
3) Major Dutch Schaefer
I’ve wondered recently which branch of the military exactly Dutch’s crew was. I would hedge my bets on good old fashioned Green Berets, the only other possibility is DELTA. Anyway, you got a fucking Major in Special Forces and he’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is my problem with zombie movies and shows. Why haven’t they shown a movie and/or TV show featuring an intact military unit, like the men seen in Predator? The shit where everyone in The Walking Dead is trying to imitate SEALs or something is kinda weak and cringe inducing. Why not have the real thing?
Major Dutch would have stiffs piled, day and night. In fact, it would be so one-sided that it would probably wind up being boring. And if Dutch ran out of supplies, such as shaving cream, would he go around wearing an unkempt beard? No way, like Bill Buke, he’d shave with the raw blade. That said, badass as Dutch was, two others have an edge over him…
16 Comments